EVEN MORE “I DIDN’T KNOW YOU COULD MEDIATE THAT!”

At some point, older adults will face the various challenges aging brings, which can cause strain with members of their family. As a result, families are increasingly seeking out mediators for what has become known as “elder mediation,” in addition to “elder law,” which includes conflicts regarding wills, trusts, social security, as well as, estate and retirement planning.

Elder mediation is complimentary to elder law and should be used to address the underlying concerns in a cooperative, non-adversarial setting. Attorneys provide legal advice and draft any legal documents that decisions made in elder mediation may require. Typical issues addressed include living arrangements, caregiving arrangements, bill payments, memory impairments, turning in driver’s licenses and end-of-life arrangements.

Those with the background and skill to conduct elder mediation will typically identify themselves as family mediators. Family mediators can be social workers, marriage counselors, psychologists, attorneys, clergy, and other professionals. They have additional training in the aging process and family dynamics. Elder mediators are sensitive to issues facing older adults by developing appropriate listening and language skills.

Anecdotal evidence shows family members typically report the process provided a greater peace of mind and enhanced quality of life as relationships improved.

Perhaps no other form of mediation receives more requests to see a sample session before agreeing to participate in one. Of course, for reasons of confidentiality, it is not possible to observe an elder mediation. I would recommend “Adult Guardianship Mediation: An Introduction” narrated by Academy of Family Mediators Past President Zena Zumeta with assistance by the Michigan State Bar Association and available by order from The Center for Social Gerontology.

Using actors, the video illustrates a daughter and her two children living with her elderly father. His son is concerned about the living arrangements and how his father’s money is handled. He files a court petition to be named his father’s guardian. When his sister and father contest the filing, the son’s attorney suggests elder mediation to avoid destructive consequences to future family relationships.