I’m often asked how one becomes a mediator and whether or not a person needs to be an attorney in order to be one?

To answer that question I first need to distinguish between informal and formal mediation. Informal mediation is what any of us do when we attempt to help family members, friends or co-workers resolve a dispute. When doing so, mediation skills are employed, but not necessarily as a trained mediator. If one identifies themselves as a mediator, then it implies they follow the ethical practices of the profession.

In the United States, the laws governing mediation vary by state. Most typically, many programs and courts require forty-hours of training, which includes lecture, role plays, and observations. You may have seen the term “Certified Mediator.” In most instances this only verifies attendance of a specified number for hours of training. The certificate is not an indication of competence. Some states are addressing the issue of mediator credentialing as have some professional organizations across the nation.

While some universities and law schools offer courses and programs in mediation and alternative dispute resolution, I recommend starting with training offered by community mediation programs. I have taught thousands of people at these centers. Some went on to become professional mediators, most became volunteer mediators, and all reported using the skills as an informal mediator in their families or on the job.

You can find a listing of such programs on the National Association for Community Mediation website .

I recently received a reader’s comment who raised an interesting concern. They noted much is written about mediation stressing that parties reach reconciliation and pressures them to “get along,” suggesting people have to like one another in order to reach an agreement. And if an agreement is reached, is there then a perception behaviors and values they differed with are now accepted.

Mediation does not assume or require parties abandon their beliefs or endorse those of others. Assume, for example, a dispute between a parent and a school district over banning books in the library. The parties can hold significantly different positions but through mediation reach a mutually acceptable solution.

The first step is to treat each with politeness and courtesy. The second critical step is to develop and express a non-judgmental respect for their differences. For example, one party may come to understand the school administrators are motivated by artistic freedom and free speech. The parents may be motivated by parental rights and religious beliefs.

What makes mediation difficult or impossible is if either party is unwilling to find common ground while respecting their differences. Acknowledging legitimate points the other party presents, does not mean acceptance, but simply mutual respect and courtesy to find peaceful resolution.