THE “F” WORD

If there is a word I could delete from our common vocabulary it would be “fight.”

 The word “fight” is probably of Old English origin meaning to combat with weapons, attack, gain by combat for the purpose of winning. And the word “win” has similar Old English origins of succeeding by conquering. Seemingly an endless number of famous quotations suggest fighting is an inevitable aspect of life necessary for winning and self respect. The word “fight” now is in common use in politics and business.

 Unfortunately for many, the understanding of the word “win” is that someone “loses” and so it is imperative for them to be victorious at all costs.

 In narrative mediation, careful attention is given to the words disputants use as they provide insight into how those involved understand their conflict. For example, in a neighbor vs. neighbor dispute over fencing, one might describe the dispute as having “battle lines” that the other neighbor “threw a bomb” across. Those words indicate one neighbor understands their dispute over fencing as a war with all that comes with it. A peacemaker might enter into that dispute by using war concepts, such as asking if a cease-fire or peace treaty is possible.

To change our shared reality we need to think of the words we use and what they imply. If the neighbor described and understood the fence situation as a “problem,” think of the actions associated with the word “problem” where the major association is “solving.” That approach requires different behaviors than “fighting” over the fence. The same can be said for situations in business and politics.

So, please… Let’s stop using the “F” word.